I FINALLY got interweb at my place. It's nice to be able to do nothing and be a serf, surfing the interfuck. Porno is nice too. It's nice to have that option.

I got laid for the first time since Scotty last nice. I didn't even really enjoy it. I mean, don't get me wrong, the guy was hot, the slobbery part was good, the dick was okay too, but something was missing. And I can't quite put my finger on what. I don't think it's going to work. He's super sweet and goddamned hot too, but I just don't think I'm ready for it. I couldn't even get off. I got him off, but I I just stopped after he came. I couldn't handle it. I like him too. I was really excited about it. I met him last week at school, and we met up last night at Laura's going away party, and I'd been talking about him for a few days. But I dunno. Can't quite grasp what I want right now. It's so confusing.

I feel like the player that doesn't even like playing. I'm dating two people right now. And I don't think either of them are going to work out. I'm going to tell Sean, the one from a few weeks ago, that tonight. And Brendan, the new boy, I don't know. I'll see him again, but I just have to see if I'm able to do it. I may not be. But then again, I might grow up quickly and be perfectly ready. Who the fuck knows. Who the fuck cares.

Laura left for London six minutes ago. It makes me sad, but we're used to saying goodbye. (Damn, I just spilled a bottle of water all over my lap.) But at any rate, I don't think I ever get used to saying goodbye, really. It is still sad. We've done it maybe ten times in the last few years, we haven't lived in the same town for a long time, but I still can't get used to it. I had to say goodbye to Caitlin a few weeks ago. Columbia, even though they guaranteed it, couldn't provide her with housing this semester, so she went back to California until January. I miss her lots. She must return, or I will have an aneurysm.

Anyway, I want to go whack off. I haven't been able to for weeks now. Not like I haven't had opportunity, but I haven't felt like it. I've been feeling weird sexually. It's hard to think about how I really know, now, what was so great about the last year. I miss that comfort. So the theme of this entry is definitely missing shit. I'm doing great, but I miss everything I don't have anymore. And a lot of those things that I miss are fucking worth missing. That's the truth.

Oh, but I'm getting basically straight A's in all my classes so far! Rock the fuck on!