[07.10.03]-[2:17 p.m.]
In a little over two years, I have: graduated high school (I spoke at graduation), attended 1 semester of college at NYU, fell in a coma for 3 or 4 days, done countless grams of insulin, drugs, and alcohol, and I've been hospitalized 3 times (I think). No, make that 4. I've been in two relationships that mattered to me, and I have ended one. My hair has changed color a few times, friends have come and gone, but really, not much has changed. I'm basically the same fuck.
This makes me really sad to do. I feel sort of trapped in a corner where this is the only option I have. I can keep it up, and start lying (just in case), or tell the truth, but that will never happen, or I can basically be treatened into a corner where I can no longer honestly express myself. Fuck this. And fuck whoever doesn't have the balls to tell me who you are, you stupid, pathetic cunt. I hope you get it a million times worse.
The sad thing is, my folks actually know about this site, and they are respectful enough not to read it because I requested it. I forgot that I told them years ago. But that's sort of a moot point. this whole situation has fucjked me up. I'm sad. And I can't continue honestly. So I can't continue.
This is the first song I ever quoted, and it seems fitting that it be the last:
" Sometimes I lose it, lose every bit of faith. But just for a minute, 'till I see the light of a brand new day. Someone tried to tell me 'you know your problems don't exist.' Well I'm sorry to disappoint you but I know my antagonist. So put some sense in the sentence cuz I don't understand a thing. come down and hear the reject choir sing. Cold night, 24 hours alone, now will you show me the bright spot. Sometimes I get so tired, and I lose that positive stance. I give it uip for a minute, turn hope for insignificance. then I drag myself up. I'm a long, long way from home. But I don't, I don't even, I don't even wanna go." ----'Bright Spot' by Bombshell Rocks
Did you miss these last few, most recent entries?