I'm super tired, but I can't sleep. It's five in the morning and I have class in a few hours. That sucks. I'm going to come home after class and sleep for years. I hope. I hope I can.

I miss D so fucking bad. I borrowed a digital camera last night and shot porno for him. I've sent it to a few friends just for kicks. I've, so far, gotten all positive responses. It't weird. Some people think I'm hot. I talked to Douglas, who I lived with last year in Santa Cruz. He seemed to like my porno. My naked body. He isn't attracted to me, but he was very nice in what he said about me naked. It's weird. He's so hot and cold. Sometimes I think he hates me, then he'll be really nice and ask for porno of me. But I hadn't talked to him in like four or five months, and he IMs me out of the blue because I've been e-mailing with this other guy, Andy, who we lived with that he is still friends with and has been for many, many years. It's nice. He was actually jealous! He was happy to hear that I am in a fabulous relationship, and he expressed, outright, his happiness with my contentment in this fucking amazing relationship.

I talk to Dexter for hours on the phone every night. Nothing makes me happier. Nothing in the world. I am so fucking stellar when it's just me and him.

Oh yeah, I got a bald spot on my head in the last few days. I mean, a few days ago it was maybe a dime-sized spot with no hair on the back of my head. Caitlin pointed it out. Or maybe Adam did, and I thought it was just a joke. But today, I'm in Linear Algebra class, and I look down and see a bunch of hair in my book. I reach back and touch the back of my head and run my hand through the hair and end up with a fistfull of hair. When I got a mirror and checked it out, I got the shock of my life. I have like a two inch circle of NO hair at all. I think I'm dying. That's the only explanation I can come up with. It might be stress, I suppose, but this is really scary. It's completely bald for like two inches around. That's really big. I need to wear a hat allt he time. I'm really embaressed. I wouldn't want to date a bald guy, what if my boyfriend dumps me? I asked him to promise not to dump me for going bald. He said of course he wouldn't. Made me a little relieved from the paralyzing fear I am gripped with. I'm scared as fuck.

As fuck.