Never mind. I won't ramble. Feeling has passed.

When do you become an adult? I always thought it was when high school ended. But that obviously isn't true. I don't feel like one, and from what I've seen of the dorms both here and in New York, college is a whole lot like high school kid bullshit. No, more like middle school drama. Not that being a kid is bad. Drama can be, but being young is the best thing in the world. It's not like I have anything tying me down right now, but I wonder when that feeling hits. That feeling where you know you are responsible enough to handle yourself if every tie you have drops off the face of the planet. I want to move to a forgeign country alone, to emulate this. Maybe not now, but eventually. I want to go to Switzerland again, or maybe Australia, or Sweden or Germany. I don't know. I've heard that it's one of those instant gratification/want what you can never have type things. When you're young you want to be grown up and vice versa. I feel right in the happy medium. Almost an adult, still a kid. Cheesy, but true.

I scammed my way into weekly darkroom time at the UCSC Porter Photo Guild Darkroom. I am fucking excited. They have a beautiful processor for color paper, and a decently laid out darkroom. I just went to the meeting that students who want to become members need to go to, and just paid my $115 fee (50 of it I get back if I go to a cleaning day). So I have 4 hours every Friday to print, and Scott has 4 on Saturdays. I'm going to teach him how to print color. I'm so excited. And now we will have something that we both like to do that we can do together. They never asked for UCSC ID, so fuck it, they can think I'm a student and I won't contradict it. I need darkroom time, and I know what I'm doing so I'm not going to break anything or be dumb.

It is now the afternoon, almost 4:30pm. I got my phone and answering machine hooked up for good today. All that needs to be done is I need to tape some exposed phone cords with electrical tape, but it works now, and that's all I care about. I also figured out (finally) how to use the Polaroid back to my Hasselblad, and I have shot (wasted?) a roll of 679 today. I'm happy.

I'm content.

I'm going back home for the night either tomorrow or tonight. I'm surprised I called it home just now. I've been thinking of my new house in Santa Cruz as my 'home.' But Berkeley is, and will always be my home. No matter how far away I am, it is my town. Forever and ever. And I'm not going to forget that.