I get dumped every fucking day, and each fucking time I make it up; I break some shit; I break myself; I die; I get kicked out of my apartment; I shit myself; I shoot dope; I KILL FUCKING EVERYONE.

I hate myself. Dexter makes want to kill myself. I was so close last night. I wanted to take my life. I wanted to so bad. And he stopped me. And he's probably leaving and even though I promised him I don't think I can keep it. I just don't think so. I'm ready. I'm dead I am already dead. I am already fucking dead. I have 25 Diluadid 4mg pills. It's enough to stop my breathing. Enouht to make me vomit, and choke on it. Enought to make me happy while I do it. So go fuck yourself and call the fucking ambulance, but i't's not going to stop me and it's not a fucking cry for help. I can fuck attention. I've been avoiding it since I was 12. Sixth grade man. That wasn't so fucking long ago. I was just a baby.

I'm still a fucking baby.

I'm still a cunt. I'm still the crerator of all evil in this house. Of all bad in this apartment. Of all fucking wrong in this relationship and I don't give a

FUCK

We made up. I love Dexter.

I want him to love me.

I think he does.

I know he does.

Most of the time.

I think il, peut etre me deteste plus que temp, mais non, peut etre.

My French is also pretty shitty.

This conversation ensued, between my landlord and I this morning:

9.03a.m.

*bang bang bang*

C: yes?

Edward Murphy Incorperated (Edward Murphy himself): ay!

C: hold on, let me put some pants on....

EMI: no I don't want to fucking come in, get the fuck out here.

C: just a minute. (puts jeans on naked lower body, upper body bare.)

EMI: see this fucking note? (shows note, says Dear Mr. Murphy, the tenants in room 205 have continued to be extremely loud at very late hours. Despite a request to be more considerate, they apologized, said that the actions would not continue, but alas, they were extremely loud at a late hour last night. Sincerely, Some Cunt (signed S.C.).

C: we had a really rough night last...

EMI: I don't give a fuck. If I ever see another note like this, I will personally come in here and kick your fucking ass into the street. I will kick you fucking out.

C: I'm really sorry. I...

EMI: (walking off) Fuck YOU.

C: I will personally apologize to...

EMI: FUCK YOU.

FUCK OFF.

What a great way to start the day. I mean, fuck, who needs landlords? Who needs nice apartments. It will hurt his ass more than mine to kick me out on the fuckng street. And he will give me a full refund on the security deposit, because he is a fucking cunt and he didn't obey basic landlord/tenant law.

SO FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT OF AN IRISH FIGHTING PRICK. YOU DESERVE TO DIE YOU IMMATURE MOR0N. I HOPE YOUR WIFE FUCKING MURDERS YOU AND KICKS YOU ON THE FUCKING STREET.

FUck.