I am home for Christmas. I have been working very hard. I got today off, though, and I am enjoying it immensely. Scotty and I are doing well. I'd say it is the best it has ever been with him and me. I really do love him. And I am confident in saying it is reciprocal. Boring boring borin. I know.

Smut: I am a lazy, sleazy, horny son of a bitch who likes to jerk off a lot and watch the History Channel (not at the same time).

That's better. Less boring.

I am working full time. I opened a new bank account last week and it felt really good. For the first time, I am handling my own finances for real. My mother won't need to get my statements; I won't need to borrow money; I won't need to have my mother approve my finances. I have 832 dollars in the bank, and I got a fucking raise, so my next paycheck will be about 100 dollars more than my previous one. I should note that I am putting off financial independence for one more month by asking my parents to pay my rent this month, because I haven't gotten my checks yet from the bank, and I want a minimum balance of at least $400 after rent. They have agreed to this. But basically I got a whole shitload of money that I am going to take to Ikea and Diesel and buy some shit! Ha, how 'American.' I feal guilty. I guess I can't really call myself a socialist anymore. No, I am, I just enjoy wearing designer jeans and having nice lighting in my room. I am definitely a working class bastard right now with this job I got. I drown in enough packing peanuts to call myself working class, not to mention the manual labour I do for my boss (Bunny). I'd love to move to Sweden, and live in a less consumeristic country. But I am proud of the money I'm making right now. No, that's not true, I'm proud that I am working for it, and no one is giving me anything I haven't worked for. If I lived in Sweden (or Switzerland, if I could ever get citizenship in that closed in country) I would contribute to the community a bit more and they would help me. That's what I'd like, but right now I'm stuck here. Maybe someday.... This, also, is fucking boring.

I am debating traveling next summer. I need to decide now, to start saving money for it. I know I want to drive across the country, but I would put that off if a) I get into Berkeley and decide to stay here or b) go traveling around Europe for a month or two.

I want to get laid. My boyfriend is away with his family today, and I am left hoping he'll come sleep with me tonight when I get back to Santa Cruz. And I bought new lube! We've only used it once! I'll shut up now. Although this isn't boring, it is slightly embarassing.

I'm feeling good about myself. I work hard. I am sober. I read tons of books (and I've read some fucking good ones lately: Amazing Adventures Of Kavalier and Klay must be read by EVERYONE. SO fucking good. And Mysteries of Pittsburg wasn't too bad either. Harry Potter rocks my socks. So does The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. As does E=mc^2, A Biography Of The World's Most Famous Equation. And that's all within the last two weeks or so.) My boyfriend is fucking hot. I have been dressing well, and eating badly. I haven't been cooking as much, but still, I make a meal a day or so (usually breakfast). It makes me happy to take care of myself and my boyfriend. And I hung my artwork in a cafe on Haight St. I priced it high by my standards, but according to Nick they are pretty low compared to what art goes for. They are all between 275 and 500 dollars, all framed, some matted, all bigger than 16in x 20in. (Shameless plug: If you are rich and appreciate unknown artists, go to People's Cafe on Haight, about three doors down from Masonic in San Francisco and buy some photographs that I put a lot of time, energy, and money into.)

I've been hearing some rumours about some kids I used to know. They crack me up. I wonder how Chris is getting by. I hadn't thought about him in months, when I heard he was dropping out of school to go live in the city and maybe move to Bloomington, Indiana. I am sort of intrigued. I wonder if he will find it as easy and carefree as he thinks it will be. I am unemotional about the decision other that humor. I think it is hilarious. I want him to find out that he doesn't have a job, paying rent, going to doctors, buying records, eating food costs money, and unless his parents are going to give him an allowance (which would crack me up even more) he's in for some interesting, and profound, realisations. I find it humorous that the least mature person I have ever known is doing this. I am going to shut up now, before this starts to sound like I am talking shit. I'm not. I just find it amusing. I wonder how it will work out. I sort of want him to go running back, embaressed, hurt, lonely, but I also wouldn't mind seeing him happy, independent, and all the stuff I assume he wants. It's wierd I just thought all this stuff. I don't think about him much since the end of the summer. I try to learn from mistakes, and that's all.

Happy birthday, Jesus. Ha. I'm just joking. I guess that's not really funny. Holidays are funny. I find myself listening to punk Christmas songs a lot. Only, they aren't exactly jolly.

'St. Nicholas, St. Nicholas, take off your boots, pour a drink. Try not to cry. Try not to think.' ----'364 Days' by The Murder City Devils