So, I've made a decision. I won't kill myself. Not right now. Not now. I'm leaving it up in the air as to the future, but I won't give up yet. I know that. I know it is the right decision for right now. The last few days have been some of the hardest I've ever had to deal with, but it will change. It has to. And if it doesn't, I'll deal with it then. I am told that it does get better. And I will air on the side of caution. I don't need to make permanent decisions with no turning back yet. Not yet. Maybe if I am sure that it will never change. But I'm not sure yet, so I don't know. Maybe I'll win the lottery.