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All Or Nothing

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[12.25.02]-[4:05 p.m.]

So, I think I pissed off another friend last night. I show up to Dexter's, well, not house, but you know, the place he's staying. We'd made plans to hang out. I call up, and his mum says he's asleep. She asks him if he wants to talk to me, and he says no. He was too tired to understand clearly. He has no recollection that it happened at all. So I just went over to Laura's and watched X-Files episodes. I get online and IM with him later and I was upset. I got him upset. He says he's not going to call me. That makes me really sad. I didn't do anything wrong. Neither did he. So what the fuck. I don't have enough friends to be losing new ones. I mean, if he doesn't want to, I'll understand. But I really like him. I don't want to make him sad. I don't want to be sad. I am. I just like him. And now that's all fucked up. I hope he is still going to come to Seattle with me.

Other than that, nothing really happening. We have some relatives in town for the day. Little cousin Emily is here, and she's adorable. She's a cute kid. Can't walk yet or talk yet, but she really is great.

I am a wreck. I feel like a trainwreck. I look like one too. I shaved the mohawk off. I still have a beard. It looks dumb, but M really wants me to keep it, so I do. I am NEVER going to get laid with it. That I know. But I'll never get laid anyway, so what's the big deal?

Trying to find cheap plane tickets to London for Spring Break to visit Laura. I'm going to have to hold my ego and ask Scott for a buddy pass. I don't know that he will give me one. But it's worth asking. Save me 200 dollars.

Well, enough shit. I don't feel so hot. I am really sad about maybe losing a friend for something stupid. It's Christmas. I am a cynical bitch. I hate Christmas music.

I used this song last year this day. I don't like to repeat, but you know:

'St. Nicholas, St. Nicholas, take off your boots. Pour a drink. Try not to cry, try not to think.' ----'364 Days' (I think it's called) by The Murder City Devils

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