Sounds reasonable?

I just haven't figured out a way of not hurting Dexter when I do it. It would really fucking devestate him. I can't have him find me. Anyone want to volunteer to find a dead guy? I'll give you keys to my house and tell you when. Better yet, anyone want to help kill me? Take some of the pressure off me in terms of following through?

I sound like I'm twelve, but I'm dead fucking serious. No pun intended.

I doubt I'll actually do it. I mean, the biggest reason I am so inclined is that I am a failure at almost everything I try. I fuck up everyone's life. I never make anything better. And this would just epitomize that feeling. I would just fuck everyone's life up that much more. But it would end. It would stop. Everyone, my friends, family, wouldn't have to deal wiht my crises anymore. I think, honestly, that they would realize how much easier life is without me. I add nothing to the world, and I don't think things will ever get better. But I really don't think I have the guts.

I want to have sex with Dexter right now, and I know I'm probably not going to be able to. One more reason to do it: my lack of a sex life.

Fuck.

I turn 21 on Thursday. I might do it on Thursday. Seems like a beautiful day to die. But I doubt it. I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and everything will keep getting worse. That's how it always goes.

Love,