I'm jealous that Dexter (with Scott, I think) got to see Babyland last night in Berkeley. Fuck I miss it all, Berkeley, Dexter, Babyland, even Scott I miss too. Instead, I don't even remember where I went last night. I went to a bar with some girls I don't know (I made a friend!). Yeah, I actually did make a friend of my own, her name is Stacey. And she is friends with Adam, but she invited me out alone without Adam, so SHE'S MY FRIEND. haha. Of course, in the process of going out with her, I unintentionally flaked on Caitlin, who I saw later that night. She looks like a wreck, and I have a feeling she really wanted sleeping pills (I don't know why she's having so much trouble sleeping). We're both insomniac I guess. I'm happy to dispense pharmaceuticals as long as I don't think I'm fucking anyone up, but it's hard to tell with her. It's just hard to tell how fucked she is. So anyway, we went to a bar with my roommate, and he hit on Caitlin (pretty funny), and there was a hot barback from Hungary that gave us free Rolo/Vodka shots. Good shit. I was sorta drunk by the end, and I don't like that. I feel fine this morning, but still, I don't like being drunk, especially because I'm taking new meds.

I miss Dexter. I'm so fucking glad he got this place to live. He starts work today at the Explo, and that should be interesting. I wish I had a way to talk to him. We're so far away. I'm hating that. I want to hold him. I want to be held. I want to fuck. I want all this shit. I made a snowman yesterday (a really fucked up snowman) and I made an angel in the ground by lying down and moving my arms and legs and I made a huge heart with our initials in it. I sent him pictures because Stacey has a digital camera. I hope he liked them. I love him.

I love him.