i am dead. i am alive. i am happy. i am addicted to being dead, sad, depressed, fucked. i want to fuck my boyfriend senseless. he would hit me if he knew i wrote this. but i did write this. and i would be happy if he hit me. if he bashed me in the face. i want to be hit. i want to die. i want to live in the face of death. like ellitott. like sid. like jim. like jimmy. like me.